~5~ A busy few days

I have been rather too busy to blog: I have been stealing a collection of punts (always good to offer a choice).

I actually began by building my own punt; I thought that would be more romantic.

It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought - in particular I wasn't sure whether I should set it up for punting from the Cambridge or the Oxford end, but in the end I was quite proud.

However when I had finished I found I couldn't get it out of my garage.

I hope one of these will do. I might try one out tomorrow

~4~ The Book Of Love

"What do you think of this track, Dad", asked Emmeline, thumbing her iPod to locate a song uncharacteristically quiet: strings, no less, in the intro.

"It sounds different to your usual stuff, where did you hear it?"

"It was on Scrubs; Listen, what do you think?"
..and I listened..

"I think it's Peter Gabriel, singing his cover version of Book of Love"

Teenagers are unsettled when something of the moment turns out to be long familiar to their parents.

"Hmmph"

I danced an a internal little jig of pleasure at my own cleverness

"Who IS Peter Gabriel, anyway"

I was stung: "Ah, Em, Em! Who is Peter Gabriel? Well, he used to be in Genesis for one thing"

"You mean Phil Collins?"

"Even before Phil Collins, but hey let's listen, I do like this song.. "



"It reminds me of someone", I said.
"Mum."
"No, not your mother, someone else; long ago"
She stared at me...thinking that through, and hit repeat and we listened a third time to Gabriel's pure and heartfelt delivery

Eventually: "Well for one thing: no-one ever told you: I love it when you sing to me"
"Perhaps it was the charts and facts and figures that rang a bell. But you don't know everything - perhaps someone once did"
"Yeah, right, some imaginary person"

~3~ Find My Love

Somewhere out there there must be a girl for this boy
Could be anywhere, could be next door or the other side of the world.
There must be someone,
there must be someone like me,
sitting lonely as a boat out there.
Oh, on nights like these, feel like falling to my knees
I feel like calling: "Heaven Please
Find my Love"

If I was going alone to Eddi Reader's rare London gig tonight, featuring cabaret seating, I might have been going in search of love.

The imaginary lover that I would have met this evening would have smiled into my eyes as I explained the lyrics of each song to her, and she would have been entranced and astonished when Eddi read out a my special request and dedication (for in my imagination anything is possible and I would have emailed ahead)

Unfortunately I am not going alone for I bought two tickets and my original friend stood me up and I have ended up taking my old mate Dredd. Dredd is a lawyer and he is both richer and taller than me, so if even my imaginary admirer is present this evening and does notice the two of us sitting invitingly at our four seater cabaret table with a bottle of Champagne and two empty chairs (yes, damn right we are getting there early), well, bitter experience tells me which one of us would attract her attention.

~2~ Valentine's Card Decision Matrix

For a Lover with a mind romantic, yet analytical, impulsive yet cautious, sentimental yet practical the choice of Valentine's Day cards can be problematic.

Here is Leonard's guide to Valentine's Day Cards. A cut out and keep matrix that will help you choose the right card, for the right lover, every time.

	For an Ex-lover	For a Secret Lover	For an Imaginary Lover
Advisability of Sending Card at all	Don’t even go here. Unless you are prepared to inadvertently signal your desire to rekindle an old relationship that was very probably misguided in the first place	I don’t have a secret lover. But I am guessing that for anyone that DOES have a secret lover it’s going to be second nature to want to buy them a card. Isn’t it?	Now, there’s not really much point having an Imaginary Lover if you don’t create for her an imaginary card, is there?
Type of Card	OK, you are going to go here. Well then a card is probably not the best idea: you are going to want a token that can’t be torn up and posted back to you. Her Facebook wall is your friend. Else phone their secretary and ask for their email address.	Subtle yet Sexy, Romantic yet Racy, Thoughtful yet Effortful. A print of the The Great Wave by Hokusai is  perfect	Be creative. This is your imagination, after all For example: for my imaginary lover I might create a geeky Valentine’s Day Card decision matrix (Does she really like geeky, you ask? Well she’s the product of my imaginations so of course she likes geeky!) followed by some sort of classic love poem about two true minds.
Price Point	Cheap	Unimportant - your love is worth more than rubies	What price imaginary love
Best Salutation	Hi !!!!!! J J	My Own,	No, need, you have her attention already
Ideal Pre-Printed Inscription	Leonard has sent you a Poke	A blank card for your own special message.	In your imagination, nothing is pre-printed
What to Write	Hey!!! Remember Me??????	My North, My South, My East and My West	For a lover with a mind romantic, yet analytical, impulsive yet cautious, sentimental yet practical the choice of Valentine's Day cards can be problematic.
Best Signature	Lennyboy	Your Leonard	Big Leonard
The worst thing that can happen	Receiving an unexpected card.	Buying a card for a Secret Lover who hasn’t bought one for you.	Nothing bad can happen with imaginary lovers. This is why we have them.