~ first post, second time ~

"You're going to have a lot of 'first kisses' you're going
to want them to be special, so you remember them.
It's where you go from being a stranger to knowing someone...
and every kiss with them after that... is a shadow of that first kiss
Mad Men Series 3  Souvenir.  pic: orangeacid 

How to start? How to restart? in media res, once again?

In new blog, in an empty blog, the first post paints the scene and sets out the stall and a good first post would entertain, inform and intrigue

A good first post might hint tantalisingly of a story not untold, but with an ending still unknown: a story told widdershins. a story of marriage, family, friendship... and love.

A story, also, of secrets, for this is not merely a happy story, it is also a dark one.

Sometimes it is necessary to reinvent oneself.

~7~ The Dream

Last Friday was a busy day indeed. Even as I finished my espresso I felt myself lifting away, making the transition to my other life for that evening was family visit to see Judi Dench's Midsummer Night's Dream at the Rose in Kingston.

pic by JoséPedro

Emmeline didn't want to go but I said to her

Be advised fair maid
To you your father should be as a god;
One that composed your beauties, yea, and one
To whom you are but as a form in wax
By him imprinted and within his power
To leave the figure or disfigure it.

Astonished, she got in the car straightaway.

The production was not wholly excellent but neither was it poor and most laudably it was clear and afterwards in the bar I asked the children - as is my wont - whether anything in particular had caught their attention.

"It was a happy ending", said Gabriel, the youngest and most idle of the three.
"It was a happy ending", said Emmeline, the middle one, and sharpest of the three "but only because Demetrius was never disenchanted - he ends up with Helena because he still has that flower-juice in his eyes"
"Poor Helena", said Ernestina, the oldest and most romantic of the three
"Not necessarily: flower love is bound to be stronger than the normal kind"

I smiled, for Emmeline is sharp. Sharp but also wrong; Helena had explained it herself three hours before

How happy some o'er other some can be!
Through Athens I am thought as fair as she.
But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;
He will not know what all but he do know:
And as he errs, doting on Hermia's eyes,
So I, admiring of his qualities:
Things base and vile, folding no quantity,
Love can transpose to form and dignity:
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind:
Nor hath Love's mind of any judgement taste;
Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste:
And therefore is Love said to be a child,
Because in choice he is so oft beguiled.
As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,
So the boy Love is perjured every where:
For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyne,
He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine;
And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,
So he dissolved, and showers of oaths did melt.

Rough translation -  true love is a meeting of minds. two minds, true minds.
So Demetrius enchanted is Demetrius no longer: no soulmate he, who has lost his mind, who has lost his soul.

"Is that right?", said Gabriel after some pause, "he never got disenchanted?? Do you think Shakespeare forgot?"

~6~ Lunch

Sophia's Restaurant

I don't spend all of my time mooching about dreaming of imaginary lovers and boat-building in my garage......

For instance last Friday I went out for a long lunch with an old friend from university whom I hadn't seen for what felt like ages.

Men are fom Mars and women are from Venus: I talked about bankers' bonuses, the prospect of a hung parliament, the implausibility of homeothapy and the unexpected expense of unversity tuition fees.

She told me of her worries about her children and amused me with stories of embarrassing and humiliating illnesses afflicting her high powered and wealthy husband whom, she knows, I find intimidating.

Then we discovered we had both recently read and cried over the same book, and on that subject our minds connected and briefly we remembered old times, things past and might-have-beens and our words unspoken hinted at still-could-do's, for we are much older than we once were, and therefore far less sensible.

When I got back to my desk my co-worker Pardeep intercepted me gleefully.
"I saw you having lunch in t'window", he smiled (he's from Yorkshire), "don't worry tha secret's safe wi' me" (yes, actually, he does have a pantomime accent)

"What do mean?"
"Don't worry, I won't tell your missus th' were 'aving dinner wi' a young lady"
"Lunch", I said automatically "and she's the same age as me"
"Aye, right, that's why tha were fawnin' all over 'er"
I told Pardeep that anything untoward existed only in his imagination.
"Ay, and in your imagination too, I reckon"

What's the chances of ones imaginary lover being rumbled?

[Some accents in this blog have been changed for reasons of comedy]

~ Another Lunch

I went there uncertainly, for it was foreign ground and there was a tiny, priggish, warning voice in my ear which in the tones of Collins told me it was seemly to hold back. But I was in search of love in those days, and I went full of curiosity and the faint, unrecognized apprehension that here, at last, I should find that low door in the wall, which others, I knew had found before me, which opened on an enclosed and enchanted garden, which was somewhere, not overlooked by any window, in the heart of that grey city.

~5~ A busy few days

I have been rather too busy to blog: I have been stealing a collection of punts (always good to offer a choice).

I actually began by building my own punt; I thought that would be more romantic.

It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought - in particular I wasn't sure whether I should set it up for punting from the Cambridge or the Oxford end, but in the end I was quite proud.

However when I had finished I found I couldn't get it out of my garage.

I hope one of these will do. I might try one out tomorrow

~4~ The Book Of Love

"What do you think of this track, Dad", asked Emmeline, thumbing her iPod to locate a song uncharacteristically quiet: strings, no less, in the intro.

"It sounds different to your usual stuff, where did you hear it?"

"It was on Scrubs; Listen, what do you think?"
..and I listened..

"I think it's Peter Gabriel, singing his cover version of Book of Love"

Teenagers are unsettled when something of the moment turns out to be long familiar to their parents.

"Hmmph"

I danced an a internal little jig of pleasure at my own cleverness

"Who IS Peter Gabriel, anyway"

I was stung: "Ah, Em, Em! Who is Peter Gabriel? Well, he used to be in Genesis for one thing"

"You mean Phil Collins?"

"Even before Phil Collins, but hey let's listen, I do like this song.. "



"It reminds me of someone", I said.
"Mum."
"No, not your mother, someone else; long ago"
She stared at me...thinking that through, and hit repeat and we listened a third time to Gabriel's pure and heartfelt delivery

Eventually: "Well for one thing: no-one ever told you: I love it when you sing to me"
"Perhaps it was the charts and facts and figures that rang a bell. But you don't know everything - perhaps someone once did"
"Yeah, right, some imaginary person"

~3~ Find My Love

Somewhere out there there must be a girl for this boy
Could be anywhere, could be next door or the other side of the world.
There must be someone,
there must be someone like me,
sitting lonely as a boat out there.
Oh, on nights like these, feel like falling to my knees
I feel like calling: "Heaven Please
Find my Love"

If I was going alone to Eddi Reader's rare London gig tonight, featuring cabaret seating, I might have been going in search of love.

The imaginary lover that I would have met this evening would have smiled into my eyes as I explained the lyrics of each song to her, and she would have been entranced and astonished when Eddi read out a my special request and dedication (for in my imagination anything is possible and I would have emailed ahead)

Unfortunately I am not going alone for I bought two tickets and my original friend stood me up and I have ended up taking my old mate Dredd. Dredd is a lawyer and he is both richer and taller than me, so if even my imaginary admirer is present this evening and does notice the two of us sitting invitingly at our four seater cabaret table with a bottle of Champagne and two empty chairs (yes, damn right we are getting there early), well, bitter experience tells me which one of us would attract her attention.

~2~ Valentine's Card Decision Matrix

For a Lover with a mind romantic, yet analytical, impulsive yet cautious, sentimental yet practical the choice of Valentine's Day cards can be problematic.

Here is Leonard's guide to Valentine's Day Cards. A cut out and keep matrix that will help you choose the right card, for the right lover, every time.

	For an Ex-lover	For a Secret Lover	For an Imaginary Lover
Advisability of Sending Card at all	Don’t even go here. Unless you are prepared to inadvertently signal your desire to rekindle an old relationship that was very probably misguided in the first place	I don’t have a secret lover. But I am guessing that for anyone that DOES have a secret lover it’s going to be second nature to want to buy them a card. Isn’t it?	Now, there’s not really much point having an Imaginary Lover if you don’t create for her an imaginary card, is there?
Type of Card	OK, you are going to go here. Well then a card is probably not the best idea: you are going to want a token that can’t be torn up and posted back to you. Her Facebook wall is your friend. Else phone their secretary and ask for their email address.	Subtle yet Sexy, Romantic yet Racy, Thoughtful yet Effortful. A print of the The Great Wave by Hokusai is  perfect	Be creative. This is your imagination, after all For example: for my imaginary lover I might create a geeky Valentine’s Day Card decision matrix (Does she really like geeky, you ask? Well she’s the product of my imaginations so of course she likes geeky!) followed by some sort of classic love poem about two true minds.
Price Point	Cheap	Unimportant - your love is worth more than rubies	What price imaginary love
Best Salutation	Hi !!!!!! J J	My Own,	No, need, you have her attention already
Ideal Pre-Printed Inscription	Leonard has sent you a Poke	A blank card for your own special message.	In your imagination, nothing is pre-printed
What to Write	Hey!!! Remember Me??????	My North, My South, My East and My West	For a lover with a mind romantic, yet analytical, impulsive yet cautious, sentimental yet practical the choice of Valentine's Day cards can be problematic.
Best Signature	Lennyboy	Your Leonard	Big Leonard
The worst thing that can happen	Receiving an unexpected card.	Buying a card for a Secret Lover who hasn’t bought one for you.	Nothing bad can happen with imaginary lovers. This is why we have them.